S1:E2 – JIMBO MARSHALL "Hiring the Wrong Attorney Cost Me”

Welcome, everybody, to the second episode. And we've got a special guest today, Jimbo Marshall. This is a very. This is going to be a fun podcast because Jimbo I met a couple months ago when I was back east on a business trip, and he is a video marketing expert. And as we started talking, he's had tons of experience around the country working with a lot of top coaches. However, he probably hasn't had an opportunity to really talk about what we're going to talk about today, which is talking about divorcing strong and being able to share each other's stories and what worked, what didn't work, how to stay calm and how to really navigate this process of divorce. So I want to go ahead and welcome Jimbo to the show.

Well, thank you for having me, Becky. I appreciate you asking me. And yeah, let's get into it. Let's talk about divorce.

I know, I know when we first talked about this, you know, you, that was probably something that you don't normally talk about in your industry of work. I appreciate you being willing to, to come on. You actually teach people how to be on, on camera and how to present themselves and how to market themselves. But today we're going to really focus on. I want to hear your story about divorce. Now, I just want to let people know that you are indeed happily married. Is that correct? Okay.

Happily remarried.

So tell everybody a little bit about yourself and like, kind of where your story is. Tell me.

Like, like I said, I'm a video marketing expert. I'm also. And a little online YouTube show called Mr. Deity where I play Larry God's assistant. I love acting and I don't get to do that as often as I, I'd like to, but it's still a lot of fun. I born and raised in Texas, in the middle of Texas and spent 20 years in Southern California. This is where I met my former wife. And I now live in Wilmington, North Carolina.

So you've been all, like, all over the place?

Yeah, yeah, a couple years in Miami. And at first I was like, you know, I just want to settle down. But no, I've, I've had great experiences in different unique cities and, and it's been a lot of fun just getting to see different parts of the world. And, you know, I grew up in a town, you know, when I'm 56, was born in 68. So, you know, the biggest town was Dallas, and you just didn't know anything existed outside of that really. You know what I mean? Because obviously there was no Internet and stuff. Like that. So, yeah, I moved to Southern California in 93 and lived there for about 20 years.

Wow.

Yeah.

What.

And then what part was it Southern? I moved to San Diego.

Okay.

I lived there for a while, like seven or eight years. And then we moved to a place called Temecula, California, which is kind of in between LA and San Diego. A little bit east though.

Yes, very, very beautiful, beautiful country.

Sure. Yeah, for sure.

So tell us a little bit about your, your. So how old were you when you got married?

I was probably. Well, I was 31. I can do the math, actually. I was, I was about to be 31. I married. I, I was a school teacher at the time. I was third grade and I met a woman, she had a six year old and we ended up getting married. I raised him, I adopted him and then we had two other children, two girls who are now 23 and just about 25. So. Yeah. Wow.

So you two, two kids and adopted a bonus.

Yeah, I mean, you started with the bonus. Exactly. He taught me how to be a dad for sure. It was like instant. Right. You gotta be on your toes with a six year old boy, that's for sure.

Absolutely. I, I've had something recently as well, so it takes a lot to, to those, those children teach us. Sometimes more than we teach them, believe me. For sure. So how was it? So you were, you got married, adopted the child, had two more children. And at what point did you, I mean, at what point did you know that it was kind of ending? The relationship was ending?

Yeah, easily within the first five to six years. I, I wasn't happy. I don't think she was happy. I struggled with communication as.

Yeah, that's a big one.

Do I, you know, I held on for another 10, 11, 12 years, 17 years we were married. Just, you know, like so many people, you just don't get forced, you don't want to admit that it's a, it's a failed thing. That's what the way I was seeing

it, I don't look at it like, I, me too. I, I don't see it as a fail.

But yes, part of the journey, it's what happened. And, and hopefully, you know, I wish her the best and you know, I've got a great life now. I've got a wonderful wife and everything that I learned what I wanted in a relationship, I was finally able to communicate it. You know what I mean? And you know, what I didn't realize is that you just, you don't fall far from a tree. Right. So I'M doing the patterns of what I saw my parents do. She is doing the patterns that she learned right. You know, through counseling and everything else. We just couldn't get it right. And then, you know, as life often happens, we. Our youngest daughter at 2 was diagnosed with leukemia. So that threw a wrench into the whole thing. Yeah, she's fine today, but I don't recommend childhood cancer for anyone.

Well, and that's, I mean, any kind of stress, I mean, it's difficult for a. Communicate difficult for a relationship to deal with. I know many years I've. I've met people that have had death with their children or illness or job loss or whatever it is that causes the stress within your, your marriage. But yeah, that could definitely be one.

Yeah, it took a toll on it for sure. And then the, the. Her. Her sister ended up with diabetes when she was 12. So that was just another thing. And then, you know, we, we definitely made some financial mistakes along the way and ended up home. And, you know, that just compounded everything and it was just, you know, one of those situations where for me, I look back, I mean, wish. Wish I could have done things a little differently. Of course. Right. And I'm sure.

What do you wish you would done differently?

Just better communication. 100 communication. Like, like really, like that's. It all comes down to just being honest with what you want.

Right.

You know, if I'm being totally honest, I was just petrified that, you know, I wasn't gonna get it. Right. I was petrified that, you know, if we got into an argument and neither one of us had, you know, the skills to not let the argument get out of control, it was going to get out of control. So I would just, would retreat, enter, you know, enter and just be like, it's not worth it. Right.

So, you know, it's funny is I, I actually, I don't think you even know this, but I got my degree in conflict resolution. And so it was. And while I was going through my second horrendous divorce. Right. But it's interesting in conflict resolution, I really have thought a lot about this over the years, is that divorce happens because we don't have the tools that we need that are necessary in order to, to work through that conflict. So we end up going to an avoidance. Avoidance is like the number one thing that most people do thinking if I just avoid, it will get better or it will go away.

All the avoidance.

Yes. Well, you and the rest of the planet. Right. It makes it very, very difficult. So yeah, it's and some people can even recognize, even through a divorce, they're avoiding certain things as well. So at what point did you. Did you kind of know, okay, did both of you guys know at the same time that it was over?

No, we. I mean, we threatened each other with it probably starting at around year seven. And for 10 years, it would come up and die back down, and come up and die back down, you know, go into counseling and everything. And. And it just. For me, I specifically remember, I. I was at a work event. I came home from work, our youngest daughter in middle school, seventh grade, and my ex asked me to go up and talk to her, that she was having problems with her boyfriend. It was her first boyfriend. And so I went up and I start, you know, talking. Speaking of, you know, not falling far from a tree, my dad could, you know, and so I'm giving this big, profound talk, and all of a sudden, you know, and I'm telling her, you know, you've got to. You do this and you've got to this and that. And I realized, like, I'm not doing any of that. And I had this moment right after I left her bedroom where I was like, I gotta go. I gotta. I gotta take action on this. Because I knew my ex wasn't going to go through with anything. I. Even though I was scared to death, I just had this moment where I was like, I would never want my kids to be in a marriage like that. I would want them to work, try to work things out and give it the effort that, you know, we did. But at a certain point, you've just got one life.

Yeah. And you bring up a really good point that you were. I mean, that you were telling your child something, and in that advice to them, you were like, wait a minute, like, I'm not living this. I am not. And did your kids even have any clue, an idea that.

Yeah. I mean, they're so smart. We know this. Right. They don't. They don't. They don't miss anything in the household. Right. You feel the, you know, hateful energy in the house at times. Right. Unfortunately, you know what I mean? Everybody's got a part to play in it. So. Yeah. I mean, even in the beginning, you know, the girls were. Were like, you know, I'm surprised you guys lasted this long. You know, they were like, making these comments where it was like, you know, we've seen this, right? And so that's even heartbreaking, even thinking about that now. It's like, even, you know, heartbreaking. But, you know, life is A journey. It's a trial. And, you know, you get to wake up every day and choose something different if you. You don't like where you're at. Right. So.

Well, and it's. And people don't really. I mean, kids are very, very intuitive. They also. I know people, a lot of people stay together because they think it's going to be better for the children, and the children do. I mean, and again, I. I'm really. I don't know. I'm not for divorce. Like, I'm not a real supporter of divorce. However, it does happen, and when it does happen, like, you need to be ready in order to prepare yourself for that. Right.

Yeah. And I think, you know, again, going back to the thing, you don't fall far from a tree, and if you don't, you know, you can get to adulthood and stop growing. And if you. It's true, don't. If, you know, I was at a place where I was, like, seeing things a little differently, and from what I perceived, that was causing, you know, some conflict. Right, right. And creating some, you know, probably some insecurities and everything else, which is understandable. And for me, again, it just came back to this idea of, like, I'm teaching them how to be in a relationship by this. I cannot continue to do this. Continue to do this. And I would rather. And I did face, you know, the wrath of a lot. Right. By making that choice. Right.

So did you did. And how did you go through that process? What. What was your first like.

Yeah.

Okay, so you've made a decision that was like, oh, my gosh. That's. I know what I need to do. What did you do?

The next day I woke up and hired an attorney. I literally went into an attorney's office just crying. And I was like, just take.

As most of us had no idea

what I was doing.

Wow.

And. And yeah, that was my action step to. To. Because I was like, what else is. It's. It's going to. Our relationship was not going to be one that was amicable and going, all right, here, you take this part and I'll take this part.

And yeah.

You know, that kind of thing.

Right.

Yeah, that's what I did.

So did she know that you were meeting with the attorney, or did you guys discuss that?

No.

Since you had a communication issue.

Exactly. I was. And, you know, while I was like, okay, I'm just gonna take this action. And then, you know, about a month or so later, you know, wanted to, you know, work it out and stuff, but I just knew Like, I. I just was like, I can't go backwards at this point. We're not gonna change the way that I want. And I'm not saying my way is the right way. Right. I'm not trying to come on here and go, oh, I'm this. And I did nothing because I definitely had my part and all of it. But I just knew. I was confident in the fact that we weren't going to be able to fix it. We had gone to counseling, we had tried all the things, and I wasn't. I was done. When I make up my mind like that, I'm like, I'm good.

And sometimes people are a little taken back by that sometimes because they're not ready for that decision to be made yet.

What?

Sorry.

She was not.

Yeah, so. Yeah. And so that's what's interesting is looking back now, it's been many years, right? Like, how many years has it been since you got divorced?

Yeah, that was 2014. It didn't get over until 2016, so almost 10 years.

So looking back. Yeah, so. So it wasn't too long ago, but. Yeah. But looking back, what would you have done differently and what worked? What didn't work for you?

What I would have done differently. 1. I would have learned how to hire an attorney, that's for sure. Because I didn't know that. I didn't know, like, attorneys specialized in things, and a lot of. They can't say I specialize or whatever, but. Right. There's some law firms where it's like, we do car wrecks and divorce and DUIs and, you know, right at work, we got you. So I would definitely hire a family law attorney. I definitely would have, because that would have changed a lot of my experience. I believe I would have been more patient. The process, it's good way. Well, I. I agreed to things that I wish I would not have agreed to just because I was. I wanted to get out of it. Like, I was just like, take my soul. Take whatever you need and want. Right. And whatever is going to make me feel punished is the way I felt at the time.

Well, I think. I think a lot of people feel I was. I was talking to a gal locally here that was the same thing. She two years into a divorce, it's absolutely insane. And she just wanted the pain to be done. But I'm like, you've got kids to consider. You've got a future to consider. You've. You've got. I know you want the pain to end. I get it. And let's make sure you have all the information. That's one of the main reasons why I'm doing this podcast is so that you have all the information to be able to go, okay, I don't want to be two years years down the road or four years down the road, 10 years down the road and go, gosh, I wish I would have done this.

Yeah, you know, I have some of those regrets. I mean that's the reason why I was like, hey, I'll, I'll tell this story. Because, you know, if it, if one person heard it and just took a beat and slowed down a bit, it would be worth it. Right? So, yeah, I wish I would have, I wish it would have done those things differently. I, I, I could have been a better dad at some points for sure.

Tell us more about that. What do you, what do you mean?

Well, I mean just it's, you know, you would, I move out of the house and you wake up and it's like three weeks have gone by and you haven't seen, I haven't seen the kids. Right. Not proud of that. But I'm also like just trying to pay for everything that you know, I'm about to be paying for. Right. Because she didn't work. That was a whole nother thing where it was like, oh my gosh, right. Didn't have a prenup. So this was another thing that I'd be like, I get it, prenups, it sounds ugly, but the truth is if you are in love, you will respect yourself and them and that should things go south, which you never know what happens in the life that you both have made rational choices. Anyways, I, I think, you know, I probably let my role as their father become a little bit more passive than it should have been. You know, I had some, definitely the younger one ended up living with me and, and that was great and everything, but I'm still looking back and going, I probably should have been a little bit stricter and pro. Not, you know, I didn't share everything, but I probably shared too much at times where I was like, you know, and I wasn't looking for her advice, but there were certain moments where I was just wanting to say, like, this is not all me. Right. And I think that's if you are going through something that is non amicable, let's say it's hard to not defend yourself and, and she, I'm sure felt the same way. Again, not trying to say whatever, right. That it's just me or her.

I would also say give yourself some grace, right? Yeah, like people going through a divorce. I mean, it's like you've just got run over by a truck 10 times over and you're like, trying to still breathe. And when you have kids, you're trying to navigate the kids and then the kids with the. With the spouse that you're, you know. So I, I would. I would say give ourselves some grace and take a breather. I. I love that you said that. You kind of moved quickly through it and then you kind of froze, which is very common. And it is. One of the things that I tell people to do is to get a. Before you make any rational decision, you know, get a group of. Of people, support team around you to be able to say, hey, slow down, go faster, make a decision, do this. People that actually have been through it before or can give you a stable place to land so it's not on your kids, but it's. You can still process with somebody. Sounds like you were trying to navigate that.

Oh, yeah. I mean, and again, just trying to, you know, keep money coming in.

Yeah. Right.

Like, not let it affect my work, which. It's hard to not let it affect your work, but definitely took its toll on everything. Right. Just. And I mean, going back to the. Just this whole grace idea, it's just like the guilt and the feeling like, you know, my parents didn't. I mean, a whole nother thing. My parents didn't talk to me for like three years, and I knew that was going to be a possibility. It come from, you know, they were very religious. My parents both passed.

Right.

And we, you know, made amends and all that kind of stuff, but they were just convinced. It looked like I did all this. Right. Just me. And they later, you know, came to understand that it always takes two. Right. That there's never, you know, it's going to be very hard to find a situation where it's just the one person. Right. It's always.

Which I think another thing for people to remember is, is that oftentimes during the divorce, there. There's. Everybody kind of goes their own ways and decides who to.

To.

They all have their own opinion. Right. Everybody has an opinion about your divorce.

Yes.

And we often think that that is a permanent state. But I think when the dust settles, I. I often tell people, when the dust settles, you know, people start kind of seeing the real truth. Just keep doing the right thing for the right reason and head in the right direction.

Yep. That's what I. That's what I kept trying to do. Right. And unfortunately, like I said, it all turned out, you know, my parents and I, yeah. Did reconcile and all that good stuff. So I'm. I'm super thankful for that. But again, it's. These are just the collateral damages that I. I knew there was going to be some fallout. I 100 knew. I probably didn't anticipate how intense it was going to be, but I knew there was going to be some fallout. But I just kept telling myself, when these girls are in their 20s and 30s. When they're in their 20s now. Yeah. And. And my son, like, they will. They will have known. The reason I did this is because I did not want them to witness this and I didn't want them to experience because again, we tend to repeat what we've lived. Right. Unless we are just hyper diligent and aware that, like, hey, I don't want to make this choice. Yeah. Went on with my parents or that went on with whoever. Right. So.

Right.

Yeah, it was, it was rough. But, you know, in the end it had to be done.

And so. And how old were your kids when they were going through the divorce? Because, I mean, everybody, you know, sometimes they're little.

The worst things they could be, they were 13 and 14.

Well, I mean, that's a very influential age, believe me.

Yeah. So, yeah, my, my girls are 13 months apart. I'm so blessed to have these two wonderful young ladies in my life and my son in my life, of course. And he's married now, and so I've got a doctor on everything. That's great. But, yeah, it was. You couldn't probably pick a worse time again. I just was like, okay, like, I'm not gonna wait this out until they move out of the house. Like, I need to know that, you know, whenever. If they're in this situation, it's okay to say, look, I'm done and I'm. I'm moving on. Right. Basically, what happened. Yeah.

And so what kind of advice would you give somebody that has teenagers that are going through, like, whether it's something that you did or something you wish you would have done with them?

Yeah. Don't have children. That's my first advice. I'm, I'm only kind of kidding.

I didn't have kids, but I,

I do, I do have this running joke that they're highly overrated. It's such a gamble. Right. Like, you're gambling on this, this individual to grow up and be responsible. So I've been very blessed that mine are figuring it out. So, yeah, I think, you know, the advice I would give Is you just got to be patient. Like, I knew with my older daughter in particular, she basically cut me out for a long time. Like, she was having anything to do with.

She was processing.

Yeah. And. And I think the younger one was just seeing a situation where I was like, I'm gonna go live with him, and I can have a little bit more freedom. Right. I don't know if she would admit that today, but, yeah, so I would. My number one advice is, is just to go. Just to say, be patient. They'll come back. You keep doing the right things. You keep showing up, even when they. Even when they aren't. And it will, slash, should work out. And. And that's been the case for me. Like, I just kept consistent. I made a lot of mistakes along the way with trying to parent them and stuff, that I was just always honest with them. And I would always tell them, like, you know, hey, I'm going to be here. Like, you can not talk to me, but I'm going to keep checking on you. I'm going to keep doing these things. And. And my hope and my plan is that one day you will, you know, see that, you know, I wasn't just a terrible person that, you know, wanted to break up a family. I was, you know, a father and a husband that knew he was in a situation that was not working and he wasn't willing to continue that example for his children.

Yeah. And I really appreciate the fact that you said to be patient because it's. It is very hard when you're going through it to see endgame of ever thinking, oh, my gosh, my kids ever going to talk to me again, or are they ever going to trust me again? And I appreciate the fact that you said that you're honest with them, because when you're honest with them, I mean, I. I love. I'm a big believer that the more honest you are with your kids, saying, look, I'm not perfect. I don't. I don't have all the right answers. I don't. I don't even know how to navigate what I'm going through right now.

Right.

And so I'm reaching out for help. And I may seem distant, you know, and I may seem edgy at times, and I may be emotional sometimes, and all of those kind of things I want you to know. I love that you said that. Is. I'm always going to be here. I'm always going to reach out to you. I'm always going to a safe place for you to come to. And I'm Processing. I realize that you're processing, too.

Yeah. 100%.

You know, this is your life, too, and that you didn't intentionally, because it is. That is the one thing that's very difficult to hear story after story after story. This is a very heavy space, just so you know.

It's.

I, however, I have to say that I do believe in resolution at some point. You know, I. I do believe that there is humanity, that once the dust settles, that we do see the humanity of both. Both sides, you know, and even while you're going through a divorce. That was the other podcast I did the other day. We talked a lot about that. Is seeing the other person as a real person who's hurting on the other side, even though we may be in contention to stay in a good, healthy space towards them.

Yeah.

For your kids, even, that's probably, like, the most important thing you can do.

Yeah.

And be graceful towards yourself.

Yes.

So kind of, as we're wrapping up and things. Any last wisdom, any last thoughts of things like, you know what? I wish I would have done this differently, or I. I think if you're

watching or listening, there's probably a reason. I would say, you know, I'm not trying to say like, hey, act, you know, do something right away, but your life you can go to sleep in 10 years are gone. Right. I will. I will quote a Pink for Pink Floyd lyric, ticking away the moments that make up the dog day. Right. In that song that says, you know, you look up and essentially it says you look up in 10 years have. Have gone by and you didn't even hear the starting gun. Right. So.

Yeah.

But I would say, you know, if you. If you find yourself listening to this, get educated on your state's laws. Because I have found that the laws are specifically in the Southern states, they do not favor men. They, you know, I mean, there's a situation where it's like you. You pay alimony and child support, and you cannot get out of alimony without hiring an attorney. Like, there's no way to show. I mean, so there's.

There's things in the Southern states, you said.

Yeah, in the Southern states. So there's things that are so crazy.

Yeah.

That you. You just don't know what you don't know. Right. So it's. Again, it's not like you have to do anything now, but if you're listening, watching, there's a reason. So just get yourself educated and, you know, don't be like me, where you just act super fast and you're like, I just want the pain to go away and make. I want them to get back to their normal life. Right. Because it will never be normal.

Right.

Or what was normal. It'll never be that way again. So I think just really taking the time to get educated and. And choosing an attorney that. Because attorneys are intimidating. Right. Like. Like, cool.

Well. And they're busy, you know, and that's another thing that I really. I really tell people all the time. I'm like, you. You've got to. I'm actually a gal reached out to me the other day. I talked to her before she hired an attorney. She then went to an attorney, and she came back, and I was just following up with her. I called her out and I said, hey, how are things going? She goes, well, this attorney still told me this. And I'm like, you might want to go and research.

Yeah.

You know, I'm not an attorney. I can't give you advice. But you might want to research that because these attorneys are really busy, especially family law, and they. They don't have the time to educate you. And so you need to advocate for yourself, even if you have an attorney

and they're not your therapist.

No, no. And they don't even want to listen to that. That's. That's not what they're there for.

Right. Yeah. This is their job. So you want something with that experience that you can relate to, and that is going to lead you in the right direction, so.

Absolutely. Because it will make it make or break at the end of everything. I mean, I'll tell you one more story real quick that there's another attorney that I reached out to. That's. It's going to be on the podcast. And this guy reached out, and I mean, one minute he had 50% custody of his children, and something happened in the legal system, and he lost all custody of his kids. And so this guy's now coming in, trying to get him back. That you just don't want. You. You want to do the best that you can to educate yourself. And that's another reason why I'm doing the. This podcast is because attorneys will be on here, people's experiences. And like you said, especially if they're a male, there's a lot of states that do favor the female. And I'm for. You can be disadvantaged on both sides.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Yeah. But there is beautiful life after divorce. So.

So, I mean. Oh, my God, I wouldn't trade it for anything at this point. Like this. Yeah, Yeah. I have the love of my life and great communication and it's amazing. So, yes, don't give up.

I, I agree. I appreciate you sharing that because it's. I never thought a million years that I'd be married again and I'm married to the most amazing guy and it's through all of that pain and you don't think that, I mean, we don't see that right when we're going through it, but there, there is life after divorce. So we want you to hang in there. So thank you so much, Jimbo, for taking time out of your life to, to talk about something that's difficult and, and really your honesty for saying, hey, I wasn't perfect and I did the best that I can.

Nobody's perfect. Skill off.

Nope. I love it. The little seven year old granddaughter told us the other day, Becky, I'm not perfect. You're not perfect.

There you go.

It was just really cute. So anyway, well, thank you so much for being on the show and thank you guys for checking in with us today. And we hope that you make wise decisions, get educated, be honest and know that you're not alone. Thanks for checking in. Bye.

Bye.