S1:E25 – Mortgage After Divorce: Credit Repair, Home Buying & Financial Recovery with Rebecca Richardson, The Mortgage Mentor

So in this episode, we're diving into one of the biggest fears people face during divorce. Where are you going to live? And you can. Can you afford your home? Anyway, welcome back.

Welcome to Divorcing Strong, the podcast that pulls no punches when it comes to divorce. I'm Becky Sampson, better known as Bulldog Becky Brockovich, and I'm here to give you the straight talk, the strategies and the subpoena secrets you won't hear anywhere else. With expert guests and proven advice, you'll learn your rights, your options, and gain your power that encourages a fair and equitable outcome. Divorce doesn't have to break you.

It can build you. Let's get to it. Well, welcome everybody to another episode of the Divorcing Strong podcast. I am your host, Becky Sampson. And today on Divorcing Strong, we're diving into one of the most stressful and misunderstood parts of of divorce, money, and where you're going to live. So housing affects everything. Your stability, your kids routine, your budget, and your ability to rebuild a life that actually feels safe. That's why I brought on someone who cuts through the confusion like no one else. Rebecca Richardson, the mortgage mentor, is a nationally ranked loan originator and educator with over 24 years of experience. She's best known for simplifying complex lending situations and supporting clients through major transitions, including first time home purchases, military moves, separations, and divorce. Rebecca turns overwhelming lending rules into clear, doable steps with compassion, style, strategy and precision. So through her coaching, speaking, and large online presence, she's helped thousands shift through fear to confidence and from I'll never qualify to I can absolutely do this. Today, she's here to show you what's possible no matter what stage of divorce you're in. So, Rebecca, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Yes, it's so good to, to be able to talk about something that I actually have a little bit of backgr in because I used to be a real estate agent, as most people know, and so there's a lot of complexities. So thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule and joining us here today. So I love to tell, I love to ask this question, kind of to start off the podcast is tell everybody, first of all, like, how did you get into the mortgage industry? And now like, you're so passionate about helping women or men through this process of divorce.

Absolutely. So like all little girls, you know, I dreamed of growing up and being a loan officer. Not really. So in college I had worked for a financial planner my last two years there and really kind of got bit by that financial bug. I love the concept of if I do this one thing, then there's going to be this outcome and kind of solving. Solving the Rubik's Cube. After graduation, married my ex husband and we moved to a small town in Tennessee. So he was military. And that was a much different community than Chapel Hill because I went to unc. So we were able to buy a house using the VA loan. That's why I'm so passionate about VA loans and helping the veteran community, because it helped me, you know, buy my first house. But the Realtor had come to check on us after closing and said, hey, you know, how's. How's everything going with that, you know, or how's everything going? And I said, it's great. But I had realized that I wasn't going to be able to. To start my own financial planning practice because moving every three years, all these kind of things. Had talked to some company and they said, hey, if you have $10,000, you can get started. Like, I just put myself through college. I don't have money. I need to make money. So when our Realtor asked how things were going, I said, hey, can you, you know, help me maybe get a job? And he said, sure, you can go over this mortgage company. You can be a processor, you know, or maybe a receptionist. So I show up and I say, I don't know what a processor is, but if you'll tell me what they are, I'll work hard and I'll make you money. To the owner of the company. And he said, you want a job that is not available and you don't know what you're doing? Yes, sure. And he said, have you ever thought about mortgage origination? Nope. Why don't you tell me what that is? So I had some working knowledge because my dad was a real estate attorney, so kind of had been around real estate, but it was enough of a tie back to the financial planning aspect. And I really enjoyed that problem solving that help people. So that's. That's really kind of how I got in there. And then my focus on clients go through. Going through separation and divorce came naturally out of my own divorce where I saw, you know, I had obviously a working knowledge of situations, but it's different when you go through things, right? And there was a sticking point in particular with our agreement that had all these. All these stipulations essentially saying when the house would be put on the market and what the price reductions would be and all this kind of stuff. If my refinance hadn't, you know, wasn't approved. Well, by that point, I mean, this is what I do every day and had for some time at that point my loan was approved pending the separation agreement, you know, signature or go ahead getting that finalized. And it was just kind of one of those things where knowing all those intricacies, knowing that you can have a fabulous family attorney, you know, family law attorney who knows that aspect, because some of the nuances in mortgage can really, they might seem small, but they can have such a big impact on really that next transition or that, that feeling like, you know, okay, I got to the finish line of getting an agreement, like, things are moving. And then if it's not written correctly in there, it can really stop that forward progress and feel like such an emotional blow when, you know, people are really just wanting to move forward with their lives. So after going through that, really feeling like I could bring something different to the conversation from the standpoint of the technical aspect of here, some of the trip hazards when it comes to, you know, real estate, mortgage, family law, and, and then also the personal experience, you know, so clients know, hey, I've, I've walked this path before. There is an after, you know, it won't always feel like this. And, and how can I come alongside you and help you in this life transition? So you know that at least for this part, you've got somebody that's in your corner that's going to be looking out for you because it's just, it's so overwhelming because you're.

Well, it's, it's one of the largest. Yeah, yeah, it's one of the largest assets that you have into a divorce case. And so it's really it. And then plus, it's your home. It's where your family is and where you've created your family and your children are there and your relationship was built. And so what are some of the first things that you, when people come, you know, to work with you when it comes to their divorce, what do you, what do you tell them or what do they need to first consider?

The conversations tend to go in different directions because it really kind of depends on where they are in the process. So if they, if it's something that they are adjusting considering, you know, the questions that I'm asking are, you know, obviously, does your spouse know? Right. Because sometimes it's the talk with people that they want to get all the pieces in place or at least kind of have a concept of what those big, you know, major movers like, you know, Your largest asset, your largest debt, you know, that comes into play. So sometimes that question is, do they know? Do you have an attorney? You know, do you have an agreement? What is this going to look like? Employment comes into it, as well as spousal support or child support. So just kind of getting a sense of where they are in that timeline. You know, I always say the earlier that I can get brought in, the easier I can help pave that path for them. Just from the standpoint of either having conversations with their attorney or letting them know, hey, here are some of the key pieces that you need. And a lot of those key pieces depend on what the ultimate goal is. Is it I want to keep the home and I want to refinance and I need to buy out my ex. Is it we want to sell and I'm downsizing. Is it we're selling and I'm reentering, you know, the workforce. So there's so much nuance there as there is normally with mortgages. And then you layer on sort of that second layer of the, all the legality and the logistics of a divorce. Making sure that we do things in the right order so we don't put the cart before the horse.

Yeah, I was going to say one of the things I would say. So if there's somebody listening who is not the one who financially was bringing in the finances but would like to stay in the home, what kind of steps do they need to take in order to qualify for a mortgage?

So it's, it's going to depend on where the income is coming from. You know, so if it's, if it's child support and alimony, depending on the loan type, it needs to be received for three to six months. There's some nuances from the standpoint of making sure that that is going into a bank account that is only in, you know, our borrower, my client's name. You don't want to have co mingled funds that gets, you know, really, really a little picky. But. But do you have to have that separation?

So explain to me what co mingling funds is because they may not understand that.

Sure. So if you have a joint bank account, and let's say you have multiple joint bank accounts and the child support alimony is going into, you know, one that joint account, even if it's coming from the other spouse, in order to be able to not run into a whole bunch of hurdles and sometimes, you know, problems, it really does need to be in a separate account that's just in our borrower's name. So we can say, yes, this is income that is coming for, you know, that is specific to this person and it's not the, those shared assets essentially that you would have in a joint bank account.

Okay, yeah, because that's something that I know that I actually have one situation that I'm talking to where she ended up keeping the house, but he's not paying the alimony or paying the child support that was supposed to. So now she's kind of with the house and not able to pay the mortgage. And so I'm, I would just, that's the reason why I asked that question is because I. It is really important that you establish that kind of track record for the mortgage companies to see.

Right. And for the people that if they, you know, if they don't have that history yet, that it's, it's right after and they may be the, you know, three to six months payments haven't started. Then we're starting to look at, you know, what's the other income that's coming into play? Is it standard? You know, they're employed, it's W2 or they're self employed and they already have that history of income. Then that's, you know, that's pretty, you know, that's usually pretty easy to work with unless there's maybe a, a joint business or something like that. But if, let's say someone is re entering the workforce, then that looks like again, what is the loan type? Because the loan type determines some of the rules and the guidelines around what type of documentation, what type of length of receipt of that income is needed. But in general it's, if they're reentering the workforce, what, what is their job going to be? What did they do before? What is that guaranteed income? You know, so from hourly or salary standp. If it's commission based, you have to receive it for a longer period. And in some cases, you know, the timing is just off. And in those cases, a lot of times, you know, my clients will bring in, most of the time it's a parent, but somebody else to. Even though, you know, the cash flow is there, right. The income is being received, but it doesn't meet those loan guidelines, then by bringing in potentially a parent's income, then that can help kind of bridge that over because there's that, you know, that timeline that needs to be met. Maybe it's for school, maybe it's for something in the agreement that, you know, I, I got after the agreement was finalized and it's saying this has to happen. By X date, depending on those kind of pressures, we might have to, you know, look at alternative solutions like that.

Yeah, so what, what are some of the major stresses that most people have when they're going through a divorce, when it comes to their mortgage or what to do, what not to do?

Usually it's, it's one of two things. One is if, you know, if, if my client wasn't the primary financial person, right. They weren't the CFO for their family, then, you know, that one. There's a, I need to understand this. You know, I'm not doing this every day, I need to understand it. And unfortunately, a lot of times what comes with that is shame. You know, it's. I, I've owned several homes, I should know this. You know, a lot of times that's kind of what I hear. And I just let them know, like, hey, I mean that, that wasn't your lane. Right. Like, that's what marriage is, is, is kind of division of labor. And this is your lane. This is my lane. And if that wasn't your lane, then it's, it's okay. And I, and I'm glad that they share that with me because I want to make sure that they know that it's okay to ask those questions. And also I'm going to anticipate some of the stuff that they might not know and kind of bridge that gap of home buyer, you know, or homeowner, but really sort of first time solo, you know, doing either a mortgage or a per, or doing a refinance or a purchase. So that's one of the things. And then I would say the other thing that really comes up is just, you know, that's why we call it personal finance. Right. Because there's, there's an emotional aspect to it. How do I feel about my money? How do I feel about the money I'm spending? How do I feel about the money that I'm earning? And when you're taking such a big shift, particularly if it's a dual income situation. Right. You've gotten used to what that feels like and how the budget flows. And while you can run all the numbers for, you know, on paper this looks good, but really, until you've kind of done that trial run, there's that natural anxiety a lot of times, kind of like first time home buyers of. I know that you're telling me that I can do this. I know that the numbers seem to make sense, but it still just feels a little uncertain. So usually there's some, you know, back and Forth conversations of okay, what, what would the, what would the payment look like? Let's see, if I have to refinance and buy it, my ex. Okay, that's within the budget that I said that I'd be comfortable with. Now let me kind of chew on that for a minute. So usually it's one of those two things.

Yeah, I was going to say because I think a lot of people, especially if they haven't been involved in the finances, it's kind of a little bit of a learning curve for them to figure out how that works and you know, a little bit. Let's talk about it about credit, because on your, on your YouTube channel, actually, I was watching this thing on credit and how credits affected. Now how does credit affected during a divorce? And especially if you're somewhat. Still connected or you know, the problems that you have with your credit during a divorce, Maybe, Sure.

So the biggest thing that we're looking at is any shared debts from the standpoint of one, from a qualification standpoint, when I'm looking, you know, does this person qualify for this mortgage? You know, if, if it's a shared debt and there's not an agreement in place, then by default I have to count that. Even if it's, oh, you know, he's been paying the car or she's been paying, you know, this credit card until we have it in writing, if it's a shared debt, it, it really, whatever, whatever the verbal agreement is really doesn't matter. So that's kind of one of the biggest things. And then also from the standpoint of where I, I've seen sort of the aftermath of when there isn't a good division, division of debts, because a lot of times people, you know, really think of division of assets, you know, the 401k, the checking, the house, all those kind of things. But if there isn't, if there hasn't been a good division of the debts, you're, you're leaving yourself very exposed for payments to be made by someone else that impact you on your credit report and you have no control over it. So, you know, I think in the midst of everything, people be like, oh, that's fine, I'll. I mean, I've even seen it where they'll, you know, take their name off the deed, take their name off the ownership for the house, but still be on the mortgage. You know, you've got to really look out for yourself from that perspective. And then also there can be, you know, kind of retaliation during divorce where, let's say that somebody else you know, the other party, the other spouse is in control of the bills, and they just say, I'm just not going to pay him. You know, it's kind of like I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, I mean, you know, cut off your nose to spite your face. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hurt myself to hurt you too, you know, by not paying debts. If it's, if it's spider, sometimes it's logistics, you know, for money constraints, but a lot of times I see it just kind of done out of spite. And that's, that's, that's a really, really tough thing to overcome because you can say they were responsible for this, but legally, you know, when you have a joint debt, you're both responsible for it.

Yeah.

So would you recommend that?

I mean, do you recommend people get off the mortgage, obviously, if they get, they get divorced, that they get taken off of the mortgage or why would there be any reason to stay on?

Honestly, I think the only reason to really stay on would be bad advice, to be honest. A lot of times I see it in kind of like diy, you know, divorces, where maybe people, you know, haven't been as prepared as, as you were when you handled, you know, all of yours, and just lack of, you know, just lack of knowledge. I mean, obviously I do this every day and have for, for years, so I think about it very granularly. But for the person that's going through it, you're handling a lot of stuff, but most of the time there's. Whether it's obviously the home being sold or there's a refinance, there's going to be some kind of provision that the other spouse is not only, you know, taken off of title, but because a refinance is going to be a brand new mortgage that will, you know, that will essentially close out the previous mortgage and then, and then there's no joint debt related.

I think. Yeah, I think you just said something that was really, really important is documentation, right?

Yes.

And making sure that you're cleaning up all of those transactions that might have. Might keep you together or not really to protect your, your personal credit and your ability to go forward and get your own, you know, mortgage or things like that. So documenting is huge. Yes, I think so. Yeah.

Yes. Oh, yes. We live and die by our documents.

Yes. I'm sorry, what were you gonna say?

Oh, I was just going to say one, One important myth I would say around mortgages or just shared debts in general with divorce is Once you do have an agreement that says who's paying what as, once that's been executed, then even if you, let's say the refinance hasn't been completed, or you haven't maybe sold the car or refinanced, you know, an auto loan, whatever the case may be, as long as we have that agreement that says that there are shared debts, that's other party's responsibility, we can exclude those from qualifying. So it is important to know that, you know, you don't have to have everything finalized and completely separated before you could move forward with the mortgage. As long as, you know again, for your own protection, there's a plan for that so you're not leaving yourself exposed to potentially late payments.

So you're saying that as long as they have a court order, that's basically what it is, right? It's a divorce decree. And I'm not an attorney, I'm just stating this is, you know, I'm not getting advice, but a court order or a final decree is a court order. And so you're saying in the process of the beginning, process of getting a mortgage. Right. Origination, maybe. Let's go back to the basics of like, for some people that may not be familiar with how mortgages work, what is an origination? Like what, what's, what is that entail?

So originating a mortgage just means starting a new mortgage. So my, my technical license term is mortgage loan originator, which is a loan officer. But from the standpoint, as far as what that process looks like, it's, you know, you hear people talk about pre approval and it's essentially, can I qualify for what I want to based off of the information I give you and supporting documentation. The, the nice thing, I think when, when the divorces that I see go well in the sense of real estate, is when we can have that conversation early. So you don't have to necessarily be to the point where you've hammered out all of the details because frankly, we want to make sure that, you know, the numbers work. You don't want to be obligated to refinance the home if you can't. You don't want to be, you know, obligated to sell if you don't want to. So being able to, to go through that pre approval process and really assume some of those variables. Right. You know, we don't have a signed agreement yet, but we are going to because it doesn't necessarily have to be a full court, you know, court order or divorce decree. It can be the division of Assets, the equitable distribution agreement, whatever your state requires. Again, also not an attorney, but depending on what your state is, if there is a written agreement that addresses that, that does stand in place as well. So.

Well, and like, what you're saying.

Process.

Yeah. Like you said, what they'll be is. Is it gives you an idea of what you qualify, what you don't, and then that gives. In the negotiations for the final decree.

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So. So the origination is just. It's. It's like applying for credit. Okay, so what can I qualify? What can I not. Is this. Can I make this work? There was one other thought that came to my mind is I think some people may not realize. I mean, I, of course, I. My background's in real estate way back in the day, and I keep thinking of different ways like that even if you weren't the main breadwinner, if there's a part of your home that you can rent out or that you can. Can make improvements and things like that and start getting an income that way, or part of your property that you can do, there's a million different ways to do that. So I think it's getting the right professionals that can give you ideas and go, oh, I didn't know I could do that. I didn't know that would be income, that the bank or, you know, whoever I'm going for a loan for would see that as income. So, yeah, there's a lot of different ways. Or you can get a job or you're going. But I think when you're just starting off, I like that you said it's three to six months. You've got to show the. The bank that you've got a steady, you know, money coming in, whether it's alimony or child support or something to help for that. You can also have kids, live with you, and, and they can contribute, you know.

Yeah. I mean, again, that's where it's. It's. It's really part of the reason that I like working on these loans is that there's. It's more than, you know, just kind of like income in debts out. There's more. There's some more strategy and there's some timing aspect there that comes into, okay, where are you now? Where do you want to be? And then where's kind of that delta of possibility in. In between that we can see? Okay, well, here's one thing that you could do. Here's another thing that you could do because, you know, the attorneys like to have a couple different options. When, you know, when you are getting into a negotiation, heavy type divorce, because give a little, get a little, and then that way it's not. This is the only way that it can be. Just because that can put you kind of at a disadvantage from a negotiating standpoint too.

Yeah. So what would you say also to somebody that's just. Is like, I don't know, having a mortgage is scary, and then I'm obligated and can you kind of talk to those type of people to let them. I mean, there's a million different options out there in different loan structures. Talk a little bit about that to understand what's available.

I think a lot of times it come. It starts with the unknown. I mean, the unknown tends to be scary, Right. It might be, you know, Well, I remember 2008 and what happens if my payment doubles? You know, I mean, because again, if we, if we don't have the details, how are we supposed to really apply it to our lives? So that's why I put out so much content from an educational standpoint is because it's important for me that when people make decisions as it relates to their home, that they are making them informed so they can feel more confident versus, gosh, I hope this person is helping. Helping me, you know, is giving me good advice. So there's a little bit of self agency, you know, built in there. And then I think it's taking things one step at a time. I think whether it's, you know, divorce or not, if there's, if there's kind of a rushed real estate decision, I can't think of any time that having a, you know, rushed financial decision has. Has made me feel very good or typically worked out very well. So being. Giving yourself enough time to get comfortable with it and getting comfortable with it again starts with some of the education up front and then knowing, you know, it's. I think it's kind of like going to the doctor sometimes we don't want to go to the doctor because, oh my gosh, what if they do all these tests and I find out something it's better to know because then you can, you can take focused action versus, you know, kind of flailing. And I think it's a. The same thing comes to. When you're looking at your finances and mortgage specifically, is with a conversation, you know, you can also. You can also have the upside, right? Which sometimes is hard to remember in the middle of a divorce that things can go well. And sometimes that looks like giving that piece in mind just to say yes, you Absolutely can qualify and keep the house and this is what the payment would be. And oh, maybe you do have a rate of 3% because you refinanced or bought several years ago. And yes, the rates are higher now, but it's not as big as, you know, it's been made up to be in our head and just being able to give some of that peace of mind by having specific details, you know, to your own scenario.

Yeah, and I, I appreciate that because I think actually something you said earlier too, reminds me is that get involved with knowing about your mortgage at the beginning of your case rather than at the end, because it became. Comes way more difficult to be able to fix things. And that's the case with anything with the divorce coach, with an attorney, you know, get people involved. I always say, don't call me last second when you're in a total dire need and you're like, ah. But. Because the damage has already been done. And it's the worst thing for me, honestly, Rebecca, is like, when somebody at the very end of their divorce is like, oh my gosh, this is what happened. And I'm like, okay, why? Yeah, I know this, this does not need to happen. And it drives me absolutely crazy because. But they just don't know what they don't know. So, again, one of the things I really appreciate about what you're doing is even the short amount of time I was on your YouTube, it's all about educational. And right out of the gate, you're just like, look, this may not be your wheelhouse, however, I'm going to teach you. And I love that. I love that. So. So one of the, One of the other things I was going to ask you is when it comes to financial decisions that they make, can you think of an opportunity or an experience that you've had with a client that was really an amazing. Like, you felt like, empowered that you're like, okay, I'm doing the right thing and helping them get. Get going because of the result that they ended up having in the end.

Yeah, I. I think part of the other reason that I enjoy doing this work is that there are so many stories like that, because it's just. It does. It's so much more than the math to me. It's. It's knowing that I can give somebody that little bit of relief, at least in this. In this, you know, part of. Part of their world. I can help because I know what that weight of everything changing and gosh, I hope I don't make a, you know, hope I Don't make a mistake. Like, you know, the weight of that. But recently I was talking with a client who, you know, got connected through a friend of a friend kind of situation. Like most of these things go, but she's the primary wage earner of her household, and it is a DV situation, you know, so we had talked and connected over that. So one, it's kind of being able to give that reassurance of this is a safe place to. To talk about all of this. And obviously she's, you know, she's very successful and all those kind of things, but. But there was that uncertainty of can I do this? Because before she, you know, because it is going to be a high conflict divorce, before she even really kind of cracked the lid of those conversations and all those kind of things, she needed some of that. That security, right? Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you know, my shelter, my home, will, my child. And I, you know, can I. Can I make this as least impactful to them as possible? And can I keep my home because my home feels safe? You know, so again, the math is secondary to being able to acknowledge that, being able to work through that with the. The left brain, you know, it's kind of like, let me be your left brain for a little bit, because, you know, there's a lot. There's a lot going on. And just going through those numbers, everything looked fine. And it was like, not only can you do this, we have option B and even option C, depending on how those negotiations might go. And her relief was palpable. So that's. So it just, you know, it's like, yes, okay, who else can I help? Right? Because it just feels good to spread some good in the world that way in the midst of, you know, some really difficult. Some really difficult months ahead for her. But I know that she can at least have the peace of mind that there. That. That's there as a safety net. And that's a. That's a big deal. I mean, where you live affects your budget, affects your peace of mind, affects, you know, school for your kids, all those kind of things, you know.

You know, I always think it's. So you said D. I'm assuming you're talking domestic violence.

Yeah. I didn't know if you had any kind of trigger rules for your podcast, and I wanted to respond.

No, it's okay. I just, I. I think sometimes people. I mean, my whole sole purpose for doing this divorcing strong podcast is to educate people. So sometimes we, in this space, especially when we've Been in it for a long time. We use different, you know, terminologies. Yeah. That's one of the reasons why, by the way, this is 100 divorce.

I love that.

And it's a free download that people can get, but I. I really am all about educating people, so. So, yeah, I. I think that, you know, it's interesting. When I was going through my first divorce, I've been divorced twice and half now happily married for the third time. He's amazing.

I saw you had a new grandbaby. We do, too. But I was like, oh, my gosh.

They're just like. They're so precious and they're so tiny, and I love. I know, it's crazy. Then seeing my husband hold it, it's like, forget it.

Yeah.

Falling in love with you again. Yeah. But, you know, during my first divorce, and I. I haven't talked a lot about this, but I. You know, we owned a condo, and we had lived there for quite some time. Seven and a half years. Did a bunch of, you know, repairs and everything. It was. It was a really nice place. But when he left, I. I had him move out, and I stayed. I lost 130 pounds, hit my goal weight, got divorced and quit my job all in the same month of July 2010. So I had a total life reset.

Yes, you did.

I never paid a late payment on my mortgage or anything at that point and thought, oh, I'm just gonna, like, a total rebirth in my life and I'm just gonna go make all this money helping and serving people and what ended up happening. And I'm sharing this only because I'm sure there's somebody out there, too, that's been through this similar thing. But my home was my safe haven. I had rebuilt, like, just redecorated it, put all this stuff around it to change the energy, because I also was dealing with domestic violence, and it was so important that I had this space. And my mom called me one day. She goes, becky, why don't you just come live with me and then rent your place out? You know, And I thought, no, no, I just. I'm not gonna do that. You know, I.

You wanted to reclaim it. Yeah.

No, I was like, I was in absolute disarray at that point.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Now, had I listened to her back then, I wouldn't have had my condo go into foreclosure. Because I remember the day when I came home and saw the foreclosure notice, and I just, I. I was trying really hard to get things going in the business. That I was trying to public speaking and telling my story and all this stuff, and it just, just I, I was devastated. And looking back now, I thought, man, I wish I would have had the fortitude and the, the knowledge to say, look, I mean, I could have had that as an. A property for the rest of my life, using it as a rental.

Yeah.

And I could have steady income. But having the right people on your team to be able to say, hey, Becky, you might want to consider this, you might want to consider that. You know, it really does help you. And I look back and go, gosh, I would have. Wish I would have made a little bit different decision in that regards, but I was in such panic. And so I'm, I'm sure when you work with people as well, you see them in that going, I don't want to let go of that home. But can they really afford it?

Yes. And I'm glad, I'm glad you mentioned that because that is part of the conversation is sometimes there's the, can I do this? And, and that's an easy yes. You know, can I do this in terms of keep the house? And sometimes it's, yes. Are you comfortable with this number? Right. Like, it's doable on my side. Are you comfortable with this number? And then sometimes the conversation is, I understand the tie to the home. And that's where I think having the personal experience helps to just say, I, I get that almost like primal, like, this is my home, this is my sanctuary. This is all these things. And we need to, you know, we need to pull back a little bit and look at the full picture so it doesn't become this albatross that, that then, you know, the other spouse is kind of riding off into the sunset, metaphorically. Right. You know, so just being able to really look at that from a holistic standpoint instead of just, you know, move heaven and earth to make something happen that that could potentially put or keep somebody in. In a situation that's not going to serve them long term.

Exactly. You know, the thought that just came to my mind, you know, I could have moved out for a year and rented it for a year. And then when I was more stable, right. With everything going on, I could have moved back and been able to keep my investment, keep my credit score intact and keep paying the bills. I could have rented it for more than the mortgage. So, yeah, there's just a lot of different ideas out there and opportunities and possibilities, and I love that. With your experience, I mean, 24 years, I mean, that's like, you probably have seen a lot of things. Yes. Come and go and a lot of different programs that are out there.

Oh, yes.

Based on what? Now, do you work in all states, by the way?

No, I work in 12 states, so primarily through the southeast, over to Texas and then also California. But I've got a large network of, you know, lenders that are like me, if. If somebody's outside of that area.

Okay. And I know before we started the podcast, we were like, okay, make sure that if you go to our website, the mortgage mentor.co that is not a typo. Correct.co not.com so. And you can also get all of your. In the show notes. I have all of your different handles to all your different platforms. And you do. And I really would recommend people going to your YouTube and getting educated on what mortgages and what options that you have and then also, like, contact. Rebecca, thank you so much.

Yes, please. I'm here to help. Help.

That's so awesome. Well, I. I do like to finish and end with one question, which is what does divorcing strong mean to you?

Divorcing strong, I would say, is building. Building the foundation so you can, you know, come back to yourself or build the life that you deserve. And that's not just. Not just on a foundation, you know, financial foundation, but. But truly from a, you know, financial, mental, emotional, all of that physical, you know, standpoint that usually when you get to that point of divorce, it's. It's affected a lot of aspects of your life. And so it's giving yourself the time and having the patience to undo some of that and. And prioritize what you need to, again, build the life, you know, build the life that you deserve.

Yeah. Because you matter. I always love to say that, is that no matter what stage you are in life, beginning the divorce, ending the divorce, rebuilding your life, you matter. And taking care of your own physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial lives is really, really important. So thank you so much, Rebecca, for joining us today. Thank you, everybody, for listening to another episode of the Divorcing Strong. I have been your host, Becky Sampson with Rebecca Richardson, and we'll see you on the next. The next show. Thanks, hon.

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